The spirit of the Goddess
is upon the winds and the fires
Upon the waters and the earth and the heavens,
upon our devotion
I wish I could say my devotion to Spirit, to the spiritual journey, was displayed with earnest consistency since I first discovered a connection to Divinity. I wish I could say my faith was steadfast, I never wavered, I never wailed and pumped my fists and laid down a shroud of ultimatums at the feet of Goddess, then quickly buried them beneath my guilt and promises. I wish I could say I have loved Goddess since I knew her, and that I have loved myself as long.
But I can't. I can't say any of these things.
And that's okay.
I don't have to be spiritually perfect to experience spiritual purpose. And spiritual purpose does not have to be a constant to be defined a personal achievement. I only need to be present in every experience, good or bad, spiritually fulfilled or devoid. I only need to acknowledge and accept that I am an imperfect soul, that my journey will always be imperfect and therein lies it's sorrow and joy and it's meaning.
Honesty about spiritual resistance is important. I journal about it and experience shame. I journal and feel release. I journal and know acceptance. I have conversations with Goddess even when I doubt she hears and I am sometimes only consistent in my faithlessness.
And that's okay.
It's okay to recognize that our journey can (and should) open up to us all avenues of experiencing grief, happiness, love, joy and yes, even Divinity. Even if these avenues are devoid of Divinity entirely. Because the moments of spiritual abandonment, no matter how long, how angry, how utterly devastating, can awaken in us an understanding of ourselves, our relationship with Spirit, how we internalize and externalize Spirit and what that means to us. Every step away from Goddess is also, in some way, a step towards her. It is an uncanny acceptance of our fallibility which opens our hearts to the experience of spirituality, even if infrequently, even if begrudgingly. And in those moments, Spirit steps in and fills the void we created, and when we create another void, Spirit will step aside and allow us that experience as well.
I am sometimes spiritually absent. And that is okay. I sometimes neglect Goddess. She forgives me. I sometimes deny myself the gift of release and the freedom of self-awareness and I forgive myself.
I am, you are, we are a collection of imperfect experiences which are (oddly) perfectly suited to a spiritual journey and purpose. And the journey is just beginning.